A giraffe and me at San Diego Zoo Safari Park in Escondido, California, USA. Everything else is claptrap.
A giraffe and me at San Diego Zoo Safari Park in Escondido, California, USA. Everything else is claptrap.

I named this site Claptrap, i.e., according to the dictionary that comes bundled with my iPad, absurd or nonsensical talk or ideas, because claptrap sometimes invades my mind. “Sometimes” is a relative term that I use liberally, occasionally to mean “frightfully frequently.”

In addition to waking cerebral silliness, sometimes I dream. My dreams are usually claptrap too.

Sometimes I sleep dreamlessly or, at least, without being aware of having dreamt. Undoubtedly, the unconscious thoughts, if any, my mind processes during those times are also, you guessed it, claptrap.

I figure I average, at most, 15 minutes a day of thoughts that border on anything even vaguely resembling wisdom.

Part of the problem is that each instance of nonsense tends to recirculate often. Thus, every nonsensical thought typically occupies an inordinate amount of my time. Due to the exceedingly large number of totally inane notions that wander into my brain from goodness knows where and then circle my drain brain until they finally take a brief vacation, there’s little time left for anything else.

This writing is an attempt to stop that, leaving, hopefully, more time for a scintilla of sagacity. I hope that by committing the balderdash to paper—or, more accurately, to electrons—I can let the piffle go and use the freed-up time to undertake more reasoned, relevant thought.

At least, that’s theory. I don’t put a lot of stock in it, though. So, why do I mention the theory here and use it to justify this site? Allow me to direct your attention again to the title I’ve assigned to this site.

There is one other reason I titled this site Claptrap. It’s intended as a bit of a pun. I have a vain hope that someone will stumble on the site and appreciate it. Or, applaud it, if you will. If so, it will trap claps, so to speak. Although, being someone of subterranean-level self-esteem, I don’t believe that’s at all likely. So I’ll stick with the mental piffle explanation.

Of course, there is the health-related vernacular definition of clap to worry about that. I don’t want to bring that to mind at all. That’s a risk I’ll have to take.

Publication Frequency

I intend to stick rigorously to an exceptionally rigid schedule of publishing pieces here whenever the hell I want to. Not a minute before. Not a minute after.

I’m retired. If this site stops being fun (fun for me; you’re on your own), I’ll stop writing this crap claptrap. If you enjoy reading what’s here, you can check every day for new posts. Who knows? You might find one. It could happen. I’ll also try to remember to tweet from my personal Twitter account (@JoelKlebanoff) about any new pieces posted here.

If this site starts getting millions of readers and I am able to monetize that traffic I might, I emphasize might, change my mind about the whole retirement thing. In that case, I may start writing more rigorously and regularly, fun or not. It’s oft-said (without evidence) that money can’t buy happiness, but, if the opportunity arose, I’d be willing to do my damnedest to test that hypothesis in the interest of science. That’s just the sort of selfless soul I am. (I estimate the probability of this site garnering millions of readers to be approximately 0.00000000000078342%, plus or minus 0.00000000000078342%, 199 times out of 200.)

While talking about the admittedly unlikely possibility of this site generating much money for me, as an aside, I feel the need to say that the most under-appreciated people in the writing world are editors. Even the best authors (i.e., not me) make mistakes and can benefit from elp untangling a few sentences that are clear only in their own minds. However, because I’m doing this just for fun, I’m not paying an editor to edit it. That will probably be apparent. Please excuse the less than perfect results. In the 0.00000000000078342% chance that this site garners substantial traffic and earns revenue, I may hire an editor at that point. Don’t count on it.


All of the posts here will have at least one image in them because I read somewhere that’s what you’re supposed to do to keep the masses and search engines happy. Who am I to break with convention?

I’m not a very graphically artistic person. Thus, I can’t create halfway decent images relevant to the topics I write about. And not expecting to make any money off this, I’m not going to pay an artist to do that for me. In addition, I believe one should respect intellectual property and not steal other people’s images. Therefore, except where otherwise noted, the photos that appear on these pages are ones I took while travelling. They have little or nothing to do with the accompanying words. Enjoy the photos (or not) for what they are, i.e., completely irrelevant.

Please credit me with a link if you steal my photos.

Deeper Hidden Meanings

If you find any deeper hidden meanings buried in the words here, read them again with less thought. There isn’t anything underlying them. Everything is entirely on the surface. Trust me on that. I’m an unimaginably superficial person. I could, figuratively, drown in a puddle one molecule deep. I’m incapable of waxing philosophical or abstruse.

Please enjoy the site. Or not. It’s your call.

P.S.: I used to write marketing literature for a living, mostly for American clients. I am Canadian. I find it very liberating to be able to use Canadian spellings and idioms here. Eh?