When I was a child, and even into my youth and young-adulthood, many people extolled the virtues of elbow grease. They fervently claimed that it could help you to accomplish a great many difficult tasks.
In my experience, although maybe not yours, people most often prescribed it for tough cleaning chores. This included activities such as removing heavily baked-on, caked-on grime from a surface on which you didn’t want baked-on and/or caked on grime.
(I know what you want to ask. “Who wants baked-on, caked-on grime on any surface?” You wouldn’t ask that question if you, like me, were a grandmaster slob. Slobs like me are at one with grime on most surfaces, but even I have my limits.)
Despite being most frequently used for tough cleaning jobs, affiionados in my sphere also recommended elbow grease for missions such as unscrewing a badly rusted-in screw or prying open a stuck window.
Universal Greaser
Devotees were dedicated to their magical lubricant. If you ever called for, say, a heavy-duty cleanser or a newfangled cleaning gadget to tackle a difficult scrubbing job, these frugal enthusiasts scoffed and said something like, “Don’t be silly. All it needs is a little elbow grease.”
The same was true for many extra-tough household handyman, handywoman, or, should I say, handyperson chores. (When I was a lad, few people would have included “handywoman” or “handyperson” in the preceding sentence, but I’m nothing if not thoroughly enlightened in the equality realm. Then again, maybe I’m nothing. But let’s move one, shall we?)
“A power tool?” the fans would ask. “Pay good money to hire a professional? Are you crazy? A little elbow grease is all you need to get the job done.”
Just a Little Elbow Grease
This was truly a miracle substance. I never heard anyone say, “Wow, that’s a mammoth undertaking! You need a ton of elbow grease to have any hope of completing it successfully.”
No, according to its advocates, “a little elbow grease” was all you ever needed no matter how big the job.
The weird thing is that I never actually used or even saw elbow grease. When I was a youngster, my parents told me to use it. But they never provided it.
And, when I became old enough to buy my own, I couldn’t find it any store.
End of an Era
You likely noticed that I used only the past tense in the preceding paragraphs. There is a reason for that. It recently struck me that I think the last time I heard anyone recommend the virtues of elbow grease was at least a couple of decades ago. Probably more. Why is that?
Do I no longer travel in the sorts of circles that include people who use and admit to using elbow grease? Or is it because my near-hermit status reduces to almost zero what I hear from anyone about anything?
Alternatively, has something better come along and I haven’t heard about it? If so, I certainly want to know about this stuff. Anything that can outdo the reputed wonders of elbow grease must be a phenomenal product.
Short Supply of Elbow Grease?
But, maybe it’s not just that I’m not hearing about it. Possibly it is now in short supply. One conceivable explanation for this is that it was a bodily fluid produced by our elbows, but, for some reason, our elbows no longer yield any. If that’s the case, what physiological changes caused its decline in humans?
And, more importantly, do those changes pose any threats to our health? That’s something to think about. And, if you do think about it, you might just want to consult a psychiatrist. Thinking about that sort of nonsense is probably a sign of bigger problems.
Another possible explanation for my not hearing elbow grease recommendations anymore also has me worried. (I worry about everything, but this concern is rapidly shooting up my angst chart.)
In truth, I’m ignorant about the source of elbow grease. Maybe we never did produce it bodily. Instead, maybe manufacturers derived it from from a plant or animal that is now extinct. Is the only reason nobody recommends it anymore because it’s now impossible to get?
Take Action!
If that’s the case, why aren’t the governments of the world funding research into this problem? Why aren’t they urgently searching for ways to produce artificial elbow grease, possibly using sophisticated bioengineering techniques?
This is a vital issue. We should demand that our governments allocate sufficient funds to study it thoroughly, solve the problem, and rebuild our crucial supplies!
Rally for the cause! (As long as rallying doesn’t require too much effort. We wouldn’t want to get carried away, what with the elbow grease shortage and all.)
P.S.: Now that I think of it, whatever became of greased lightning? Is it my imagination or do a lot fewer things run like greased lightning than when I was younger? But, never mind. Let’s focus on one critical issue at a time.
On the other hand, some people still grease palms. It’s comforting to know that at least some things don’t change.
