He, She, It or They: To Whichever God or Gods it May Concern

God or Gods? Whatever. Here’s a picture I once took of the biggest of His, Her, Its or Their home in Milan, Italy. He, She, It or They seem to have large, opulent homes everywhere. Apparently, God or the gods didn’t take a vow of poverty.
God or Gods? Whatever. Here’s a picture I once took of the biggest of His, Her, Its or Their home in Milan, Italy. He, She, It or They seem to have large, opulent homes everywhere. Apparently, God or the gods didn’t take a vow of poverty.

Upon seeing the title of this post, you probably thought it was about the proper use of gender pronouns for the god or gods in a present-day religious context. It’s not. Gender discussions are minefields. I don’t have any desire to blow myself up, even if only rhetorically. So that’s not what I’m going to write about here. 

No, this post is not about gender. It’s about something that can, arguably, be as incendiary, if not more, namely God and/or gods.

Hmm. It seems I was mistaken earlier. Apparently I do rhetorically have a desire to blow myself up.

Note: I should probably rewrite the previous paragraphs. I’m a big-time worrier. I’m petrified that my double, about to be triple, use of the phrase “blow myself up” will set sirens wailing and lights flashing at the U.S. National Security Agency or, at least, at whatever the equivalent is here in Canada. I think our version of the NSA is a security guard at a construction site. But I could be wrong.

(In truth, I’m sure I’m wrong. I think our version of the NSA is the Communications Security Establishment, CSE. However, a) we’re a humble country and I didn’t want to boast, b) I don’t know what the heck I’m talking about when it comes to such matters, c) I’m too lazy to research it, and d) I went for a cheap joke. Sorry about that.)

If heavily armed military forces batter down my condo door and point large weapons at me all because I mentioned you know what three times I’m blaming it all on the Internet. That’s my story and I’m sticking to it.

God or Gods Revealing Himself, Herself, Itself or Themselves

But enough about blowing myself up. (Damn. I said it again. I’m going to end up in Guantanamo, aren’t I?) Let’s get back to what this post is supposed to be about, a god or gods, shall we?

There’s something I don’t understand. There are an infinite number of things I don’t understand, but one in particular comes to mind.

Religions exist. No doubt about it. Some religions postulate that there’s one god. Although, they don’t have identical concepts of the nature of God or of His, Her or Its strictures. Other religions claim that multiple gods exist, with the same caveat on the lack of agreement on Their natures and strictures.

I understand that. I don’t believe either of those hypotheses, but I understand them.

Here’s the part I don’t understand: If a god or gods really do exist and He, She, It or They revealed Himself, Herself, Itself or Themselves to some people, why didn’t He, She, It or They reveal Himself, Herself, Itself or Themselves as the same to all people? That would have been kind of nice. The current situation, on the other hand, isn’t healthy. Not at all.

Really. The world would be a much better place were it not for all of the holy wars that were waged and terrorist actions that were perpetrated over the years in the name of “our god(s) is (are) better than your god(s).” True, the world would be more densely populated without all of those wars and terrorist acts thinning the herd, but I’m willing to be a tad more cramped on the subway if it would help to bring about a bit more peace.

The Creations of God or Gods

I don’t get it. How could this possibly come about? Most religions think their god or gods created, to steal a line from the late Douglas Adams, life, the universe and everything. How is it that a being or beings so clever and so powerful couldn’t get His, Her, Its or Their stories straight when revealing Himself, Herself, Itself or Theirselves to His, Her, Its or Their creations?

If bibles were realistic, they’d quote their god or gods as saying, “Hear Me (Us), My (Our) children. I am (We are) the Lord(s), your God(s). I am (We are) All-Seeing, All-Knowing, and All-powerful, but I (We) really suck at consistency.” (Side note: Did you notice that the god or gods still use the Oxford comma? He, She, It or They are old-fashioned that way.)

Reconciling Differences

In the interest of lasting peace, all religions should send representatives to a conference to reconcile the differences between their holy texts. Where their holy texts differ, delegates could vote and agree to accept the winning result. It’s not as if one religion is any more believable than another. So the result should be acceptable to all.

(It would be better if, rather than a conference and vote, the god or gods just told us which of the holy texts or which combination and permutation of holy texts was correct. But He, She, It or They don’t seem inclined to do that. So, we’re on our own here.)

To be fair, this reconciliation exercise should include religion-like beliefs that aren’t (yet) widely accepted as true religions. I’m thinking of the Flying Spaghetti Monster here, but Bertrand Russell’s Invisible Orbiting Teacup should also get consideration. There are undoubtedly other propositions that I’m unaware of that are likewise on par with accepted religions.

Godly Economies of Scale

If I do say so myself, I think this plan is brilliant. Not only would there be peace dividends, but there would be financial benefits as well. With a unified holy text, all of the religions could merge. Think of the economies of scale that would bring.

Redundant clergy, administrators and fundraisers could be laid off and given jobs as telemarketers. The world never has enough telemarketers. I just wish they would call someone else once in a while. But I digress.

So? What do you say? Are you with me on this?

(P.S.: If I’ve infuriated you with my irreverence, chill. I’m sure your god or gods will strike me down with lightning soon enough, without needing help from you. If He, She, It or They don’t strike me down, it can only be because He, She, It or They don’t want it done. In that case, you’re going to really piss Him, Her, It or Them off if you harm me allegedly in His, Her, Its or Their name.

OK, God or Gods. I’m waiting. …

Still waiting.)


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