News: Magatsland Water Engineers Shunned

Magatslanders wish they had a water distribution system this modern. If only someone knew how to build it.
Magatslanders wish they had a water distribution system this modern. If only someone knew how to build it.

Water is a critical problem in the isolated, little-known country of Magatsland. That’s been true since the country gained its independence from Sanity more than 244 years ago.

The difficulty is not drought. Nor is it flooding. The problem is the quality of the nation’s potable water. It isn’t potable, or even a reasonable facsimile thereof.

Magatsland’s water treatment facilities have always been rudimentary, to say the least. To say the most, they often introduce lethal toxins where none existed before. Consequently, drinking water is the largest cause of death in the country.

The source of this catastrophe is twofold. First, stating that education levels in Magatsland are low would be a gross understatement. To say that few Magatslanders achieved more than the equivalent of a grade two education would also be an understatement, but less grossly so. Equivalent, that is, to the rest of the world. The average Magatsland student requires 12 years of schooling to reach that level.

Magatsland First.

Second, the president of Magatsland, Don J. Tass, and all presidents prior to him, swore allegiance to the slogan of “Magatsland First!” They all insisted that the government would not buy anything not made in Magatsland or hire anyone who wasn’t a resident citizen.

A little more than nine years ago, three young Magatslanders set out to solve the water problem. After getting high school diplomas, with honours, through diligent online studies from a school in a country that believes in education, Maria Newton, Izzy Einstein and Alberta Curie left Magatsland. They each spent nine years pursuing advanced science and engineering degrees, including five years of postgraduate work. They all majored in water treatment and distribution systems.

Water Project

On their return, Newton, Einstein and Curie delivered a proposal to President Tass. They recommended that the Magatsland government hire them to rebuild and run the country’s water treatment and distribution facilities.

Their proposal made sense. The system they designed would cost less to run each year than the current system. The savings would more than cover the capital costs within two years.

To run the system, Newton, Einstein and Curie proposed that they do the work of the current 27 water system managers, who would all be let go. Newton, Einstein and Curie each asked for salaries that were only 25 percent higher than the average Magatsland salary. The current managers’ salaries are, on average, more than 500 percent higher than the national average.

There was another important difference between the Newton, Einstein and Curie proposal and the current situation. Unlike today, after completion of the project, the water in Magatsland would be drinkable without the need for a stay in an intensive care unit or a visit by the coroner afterward.

Water Experts with Magatsland Roots

Asked about the team’s motivations, Alberta Curie said, “It’s simple. Our families and friends live here. Our roots are here. We want to live here. And we don’t want the water supply to be an impediment to our living.”

Izzy Einstein added, “Our families, friends and neighbours supported us financially and emotionally as we pursued our educations. We worked hard at university and they cheered us on. Now we want to give back to the community.”

Be that as it may, President Tass turned them down.

Tass didn’t doubt the qualifications, sincerity or dedication of Newton, Einstein and Curie. Instead, he said, “They are elites. They think that just because they are the only people in Magatsland with advanced engineering and science degrees they can lord it over us. Magatlanders won’t stand for that.”

The Forgotten Men and Women

“Any knowledge not known to all Magatslanders is fake knowledge,” Tass continued. “Little Newton, Einstein and Curie think that just because they ‘know’ a lot about water treatment and distribution that gives them the right to run our strong and powerful water systems. I won’t tolerate that. Neither will other patriotic Magatslanders.

“If a few, or even a few hundred thousand, Magatslanders have to die to protect the values and dignity of the forgotten men and women of Magatsland, well, it is what it is.”

Marie Newton now cleans tables at a burger joint. Izzy Einstein stocks shelves at a liquor store. Alberta Curie is still pursuing other career opportunities. All of them drink and bathe in imported water. “Screw ‘Magatsland First,’” cried Curie. Literally cried.

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