I’m thinking of changing the direction of this site. Many blogs that offer health and fitness advice are very successful. Success appeals to me, particularly in contrast with, say, the status quo. So, I am going to give health and fitness writing a try*.
This is my first entry in this new project. Let me know what you think. If this post is successful, i.e. it pulls in a lot of traffic and earns me a tidy or, preferably, enormous profit should I decide to add advertising, I may make health and fitness the sole focus of the articles I publish here from now on. If the profit is untidy, but still enormous, I’ll count that as a success as well.
Rather than doing an in-depth article on one heath or fitness topic this first time out, I’m going to initiate this venture with the following list of ten top health and fitness tips, in no particular order:
Top 10 Health and Fitness Tips
Weight
- Morbid obesity is a killer. As a rule of thumb, keep an attentive eye on your girth and never let yourself get bigger than the house you’re living in.
- Most people worry about being overweight, but it is also possible to be too thin. If you hold a dim flashlight up against your back and clearly see the light when looking at your belly you might want to eat a cookie or two. It’s just a suggestion.
- Casting a glance a full-length mirror while standing in front of it naked can give you a surprisingly good sense of your fitness level. If looking at yourself unclothed consistently makes you pass out, that’s a pretty good indicator that your body needs a little work. If looking at yourself fully clothed makes you faint, you might want to see a fashion consultant.
Diet
- A balanced diet is critical to good health. If your plate isn’t balanced it’s liable to topple off the table, spilling your food on the floor. Of course, accidents can happen no matter how careful we are. If your food falls on the floor, follow the ten-minute rule. Leave the food where it lies for at least ten minutes before eating it. The germs your meal picks up will give your immune system a good workout.
- Make sure you eat enough greens. Although, if it’s a meat product or some other food that didn’t start out green when you bought it, you might not want to count it as part of your daily green-foods quota.
- Include lots of fiber in your diet. However, you might want to stick with fiber-laden food products rather than, say, pulp and paper. If you do eat a lot of fiber, make sure you are never too far from a bathroom. Or if it’s not always possible to be close to a bathroom make sure you have a change of underwear with you.
See Your Doctor
- Before starting any exercise program, see your doctor. Beyond just seeing him or her, you might want to ask a few simple questions, such as, “Am I so far gone that even the least bit of exercise will kill me?”
Exercise
- Lying on the couch watching television burns off very few calories per hour; not much more than sleeping. Try sitting up for a minute or two at least once every couple of hours.
- Touching your toes, with your knees straight, builds flexibility. In addition, if it’s done in moderation, and with concern for your posture, it can go a long way toward boosting your fitness level. Touching someone else’s toes might provide even better exercise, particularly if it leads to sex. Touching someone else’s toes without his or her permission** can be the best workout of all if the other person becomes enraged, chases you down the street, and draws you into an knock-down, drag-out boxing match. Make sure you have adequate health insurance coverage before trying this.
- Lifting weights is terrific exercise. It builds muscle and shapes your body. Hiring someone to lift the weights for you doesn’t provide the same benefits, but it’s much easier on you. It’s a tradeoff. Only you can decide what’s best for you.
That’s it for now. What do you think? Should I turn this into a health and fitness site?
* IMPORTANT NOTE: I am totally ignorant of all things related to health and fitness. If you follow any advice I give in those areas you might die from it. Don’t do that.
** Don’t do this! Toe-touching should always be consensual.
